


our kooky, spooky neighbors

by FlibbertiGiblet



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: A picture says a thousand words, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, Pretty much crack!fic, The Addams Family AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-03-29 20:16:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19027165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlibbertiGiblet/pseuds/FlibbertiGiblet
Summary: What better way to welcome someone to the neighborhood than to pop by with gossip and a pie?Hmm. Actually, maybe that pie wasn't such a good idea after all...





	our kooky, spooky neighbors

Welcome to the neighborhood! We are  _so delighted_  to meet new people, aren’t we, Renly darling? I saw the moving van outside your house and just  _had_ to come over with some of my  _famous_ apple pie.

Oh, us? We live  _right_  across the street, in that blue house over there with the  _award-winning_ roses. I’ve something of a green thumb, you see. Runs in my family. You really  _must_  come over sometime so I can show you the garden. Maybe I’ll organize a little welcome shindig so you can meet everybody. Do you know any of your neighbors yet? The Lannisters, you say? Ah. Yes. Yes, they certainly are.

The Gothic mansion up the hill? Oh, that belongs to the Starks. Impressively gloomy, isn’t it? It’s got  _such_  character. They say there are  _crypts_  below the house, but  _surely_ that’s just a macabre rumor. Can you  _imagine?_

Have you met their acquaintance yet? They’re  _lovely_  people, perfectly lovely. A bit…eccentric, yes. Mysterious. One might almost say  _spooky_ , but I suppose every family has got its skeletons in the closet. Or in the crypts, haha!

Sansa Stark is a  _dear_  old friend of mine. You might have seen her around town? Tall, pale, elegant, kind of a  _darkly_  regal bearing…ah, you have! Yes, I suppose she  _does_ look a bit like that Elvira lady you see on the telly! She does like to wear a lot of black dresses, but  _who doesn’t?_  Such a slimming color, don’t you think? Oh stop, you flatterer! You’re making me blush!

Well, if you’ve seen Sansa, you’ve probably seen Jon as well. Whither she goest, he will go, as the old saying goes. He’s  _quite_  the protective type, you know. Mysterious, good-looking fella, and the  _way_  he can’t keep his hands off her in public… _my word_ , I could just  _swoon_. Why are you chuckling, Renly my love? You know my heart belongs to you!

Now Arya Stark, she’s an interesting cookie. A bit  _intense_ , perhaps, but aren’t they all at that age? I seem to remember she was quite the naughty little rascal when she was younger, but she’s changed  _quite a bit_  since coming back from that fancy boarding school in Braavos. Athletic scholarship, it was. She’s the number one fencer in the county, actually. We’re all  _so proud of her._

There’s also the youngest, Bran, but he’s an odd little bird, that one.  _Hush_  Renly, he’s  _not_  a “creepy little bugger.” He’s…well, he’s not very sociable, I’m afraid. But he’s a perfectly  _nice_  young man once you get to know him, I’m sure. Ahem.

Anyway, we’re  _so glad_  to meet you, Mr. Bronn. This house has been so  _woefully_  empty since that  _unfortunate_  incident with the Freys…oh, but how awful of me. Of course we mustn’t talk about…I beg your pardon?  _Surely_  your realtor told you about why this estate has been on the market for so long? What’s that? No realtor?  _Tyrion Lannister_  gave you…?  _Oh_. Oh dear. Well, I-I think you really  _ought_  to give him a call about this, then. I’m sure he can give you  _all the details_ _._ Why don’t we get out of your hair so you can go ahead and do that… Come along, Renly…

Oh, the pie? Er…perhaps a  _pie_  isn’t the best thing to greet a new neighbor with after all. Too many memor…too many calories. Yes, calories. Why don’t I come back tomorrow with a nice salad instead?

\-----

**Bonus: _Uncle Varys comes to visit! Shenanigans ensue._**

 

**Author's Note:**

> * Yes, that’s Jaime’s hand on Jon’s shoulder, because why not?
> 
> ** And yes, that’s Margaery talking. She’s married to Renly, who is secretly and happily carrying on with Loras with her full knowledge and blessing while she goes and has a series of torrid affairs with whoever she wants because that’s the arrangement that suits all of them best and we are not going to judge them for it, are we?
> 
> *** Who you can judge - _Bronn,_ for getting a bloody castle for basically free, and _Tyrion,_ for being sneaky about which one to give to him!
> 
> \---
> 
> Check out my other fanwork on [flibbertigiblet.tumblr.com](http://flibbertigiblet.tumblr.com). You can find most of my edits under #flibbertigiblet, assuming the site chooses to cooperate...


End file.
